


This Isn't Love

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'LL WRITE FLUFFY STUFF TO MAKE UP FOR THIS THOUGH I PROMISE, Other, You're Welcome, and angst was the answer, bang chan - Freeform, chan x reader, channie - Freeform, i know its short but, i wrote it in a way where there were no feminine or masculine pronouns, i'm working on a whole bunch of other longer stuff, reader - Freeform, so i felt like i needed a break, stray kids - Freeform, there is... no fluff i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 19:17:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14677698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which you’re sick of being taken advantage of and finally decide you’ve had enough.





	This Isn't Love

“I love you, Y/n. Please,  _don’t go_.” You slung your duffel bag over your shoulder and grabbed your car keys from the kitchen counter, brushing past him. You stopped dead when you felt Chan’s hand wrapped around your wrist. “ _Don’t you love me?_ ” Chan whispered, his grip on your wrist tightening as tears rolled down his cheeks.

You growled and ripped your arm from his grasp.

“ **No**. You do  _not_  get to use that on me.” You snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Chan. He swallowed as more tears rolled down his cheeks. Chan’s skin was blotchy and red, his tears leaving trails on his face. His eyes were bloodshot and hopeless. You could see it.

He was absolutely miserable.

“Y/n, please…” He looked so pathetic. You braced yourself, closing your eyes and rubbing the pad of your thumb along your index finger, trying to calm yourself. After five seconds and just as many deep breaths, your heartbeat began to slow.

You opened your eyes to glare at him. He reached for your hand again, but you stepped away, scowling.

“I have given you  _so_  many chances, Chan. So many chances to prove yourself to me, and you wasted every. Single. One of them. You can beg all you want,  **nothing**  you can say will change my mind.” You poked him in the chest sharply. 

Chan shook his head, mouthing silent pleas.

You turned on your heel and began walking towards the door.

“Y/n, don’t do this. I can’t live without you _._ ” Chan pleaded desperately when he finally found his voice. You sighed deeply, resting your hand on the knob of the front door. 

His arms wrapped around your middle before you could open the door. You became increasingly aware of his silent sobs, shaking the both of you. You closed your eyes, biting your lip as tears forced themselves to the surface.

“ _Please don’t leave me Y/n._  I wasn’t lying when I told you I loved you.” He shook his head, tightening his arms around you. You frowned and let the strap of your duffel bag slide down your arm. 

Chan let go, watching you closely. He took a step away.

You picked the bag back up, turning the handle and pulling the door open. You heard Chan whisper behind you before you heard a soft thump.

“Chan,” You stepped out into the hallway and looked back at him over your shoulder. He was on his knees, crying and staring up at you. Your heart ripped in half. 

You swallowed, forcing your mouth to work. “Whatever you feel for me, I assure you, this isn’t love.”

The door shut with a soft click, and you took a shaky breath. It had taken a lot for you to work up the courage to finally walk away, and you felt thankful that your anger had done most of the work. You rolled your shoulders and sighed as you walked out of the apartment building.

You trudged down the front steps of the building, feeling a lump form in the back of your throat. A few people walking into the building glanced at you, wearing sympathetic frowns and worried glances. You knitted your eyebrows together. Why were they looking at you like that?

You shook your head. It didn’t matter to you anymore. You needed to get out of there.

Once on the street, you unlocked your car and tossed your duffel bag in the passenger seat before sliding into the driver’s side. You closed the door, locking it and putting the keys in the ignition. The engine rumbled to life and you reached for the gear shift- but something stopped you. 

Confused, you looked down.

There was a dark spot on your jeans, circular and… damp? Your eyes widened as realization hit you.

_You were crying._

The tears were flowing down your face in rivers and your throat was closing continually. Your breath came, short and in hot puffs in front of your face as the cold air of your car swirled around you. Your heart was thumping rapidly, jumping into your throat.

You let out a choked whimper before you doubled over, sobbing into your lap and screwing your eyes shut. You clamped a palm over your lips. It did enough to muffle the loud cries that wrenched their way from your vocal chords.

The look on Chan’s face as you had walked out was etched into your mind. You saw his tears and the hopeless look in his eyes that were usually filled with joy. You saw him, kneeling on the floor, shaking his head in disbelief. Saw him reaching out to you one last time, before you closed the door.

You sobbed, clutching your stomach with one hand as the tears fell to your lap.

You were angry, and disappointed, and hurt and you felt betrayed. He’d cheated on you, gone out partying with his friends and had forgotten about your birthday or your anniversary one too many times. He didn’t appreciate the things you did for him, and he didn’t know how even after you’d found out he was lying about who he was with most nights, you stayed with him. You figured he’d get his act together and start acting like he meant it when he said ‘I love you’.

You shook your head bitterly.

But still, you felt yourself yearning for him. You felt yourself wanting to walk back up those steps and knock on his front door. Wanting him to hug you back and apologize and maybe, you both would work everything out.

But that was naive to think, and you knew it.

Thirty minutes had passed, and your tears were finally running dry. You wiped your cheeks and sniffled, your pounding headache making you wince as you sat up straight in the driver’s seat. Blinking away any of the remaining tears, you swallowed down the lump in your throat. You felt it dissolve and you closed your eyes. You hadn’t used this mental trick in ages, hadn’t needed to since meeting Chan; but you felt like as of now, you needed to.

A vivid picture materialized in your imagination. A picture of a colorful spacious room. All colors of the rainbow swirled around you but the walls were blurred, black and seemingly endless. In the middle of the room, there was a switch.

A light switch. It was a blinding white in the sea of color around you, and you rested your hands on the lever. The top was labeled ‘on’. The image cut off temporarily. You frowned and concentrated your energy on visualizing the picture again.

It returned, as if on pause. Then your imaginary counterpart inhaled deeply, pulling the switch down to ‘off’. Almost immediately, the color dropped from the room, seeping away and dulling themselves to drabby grays and whites.

You opened your eyes.

You felt…  _numb_. You knew you were frowning, and that you looked bored to any outside presence. It was an accurate reflection of what you were feeling inside.

You put the car in drive and pulled away, leaving Chan behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Drown me with some comments por favor ♥︎


End file.
